My world has been turned upside-down!
Back at the beginning of the year I knew I had a bit of a problem, slight pain in my abdomen.
When it got much worse I went to see the Doc.
Yes Mrs Cain, you have a mass inside you!
Upshot was that I had a mass on my ovary, a big one, which had to be taken out and examined.
OK I thought, lets just get on with it, shouldn't take long.
Long story short, I had the surgery to remove anything that didnt need to be there. Surgery went well and I was a happy bunny.
Off went all my bits for testing and I carried on as normal, no pain, no hangups.
Called back in to see the Oncologist (?) Why Oncologist, I don't have cancer!
Spoke at length to the doctor who said everything was removed successfully BUT
there were cancerous cells found - WHAT!
Well thats ok as long as they got them all out, right ?
Yes as far as they know they did get them all, but just in case one cell escaped I needed CHEMOTHERAPY.
I thought the doctor and the nurse (MacMillian Nurse) had got the wrong notes in front of them and were talking about someone else.
I remember feeling numb and then angry and then raging
"if you think I am going through that then you have another thought coming"
No, no way.
But they kept on talking at me. I looked at Drew, he had gone white and drawn.
I got up and left the room, but the nurse took me aside to another room and talked to me. I didn't like her. She talked to me as if I was dying, all sympathetic and quiet. I don't like that sort of thing.
I remember coming away with lots of books and leaflets, all of which went into the bin as soon as I got home!
Drew was so upset by my reaction, think if we both could have jumped off a cliff right then, we would have. And I had yet to tell my family, my daughter, grandchildren, whom I adore.
My daughter is one of the most grounded people I know, and I love her for it.
We talked, we cried, we put forward arguments, but in the end there was always going to be one answer. To have the chemo.
I want to see my beautiful grandchildren grow into beautiful people, I want to be part of their lives. So you see, after all the raging and head banging, the answer was always going to be, yes. And of course Drew will be right by my side.